Ye Shall Obtain

Today I am grateful.  I am grateful for Sundays, for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for the inspired leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for my husband, and for loving Heavenly Father.

We had stake conference last night and this morning in the Rexburg Idaho Married Student 2nd Stake, and what a blessing it has been. Elder Jeffrey D. Erickson was our presiding authority and he taught the congregation wonderful lessons and invited a spirit that touched my heart.

As some people may know, I have been married to my sweetheart now for almost three years.  This upcoming Saturday marks the two year anniversary of losing our first child.  It is a very tender time of year for both of us, but as the female of the group, I tend to be more emotional about it.  This wasn't a quiet loss of a baby, read back further on the blog if you want the whole story, but the pregnancy was ectopic and resulted in major surgery that has changed my life in many ways.  For those who know us well, you know that it is no secret that we have been trying to conceive again since we got the approval from our doctor a few months after the surgery and but have not yet been blessed with a pregnancy.  In the meantime, we keep loving life, loving each other, and most importantly, loving our Heavenly Father and Savior.  People can cast judgement on us for our situation in life, but if they knew the desires of hearts as our Father does, they would be ashamed, for our desires and true and pure.

When people do find out that we have been trying for children and don't have any yet, they tend to start to ask questions, which I am generally happy to answer in reverence.  Throughout the whole process I have felt that the topic of miscarriages and infertility make a majority of people uncomfortable, which is sad to me, because it is an incredible process of pain and healing that all can benefit from, even if they haven't gone through it personally.  So as I said, for those that ask and want to know about it, I am happy to help them learn.

One of the questions I hear most is, "Is it hard being around so many young married couples that are expecting or have children already?"  The answer is yes.  It is hard.  But if life wasn't hard for me, I wouldn't learn and grow.  It is hard for me to hear expecting mothers complain about how uncomfortable they are in their pregnancy, or how their baby was an "accident" or a "whoops".  There is no such thing.  It is hard for me to hear parents whine and complain about sleepless nights from feedings and diaper changing.  I would give anything to have a sweet little baby that needed me in the middle of the night.  I anxiously await the discomforts of pregnancy in order to help our little one grow healthy and strong. I long to raise children that will serve in God's kingdom on this earth and the life after.  Do I think these mothers are bad?  Absolutely not.  I am grateful that they are able to have children without going through what I have, because it is not for the faint of heart.  But it is hard because I have a different perspective a heart that earns for that part of my life to begin.

Another question I hear regularly is, "Why do you think this happening to you?"  That one again has an easy answer, and it is because this is our loving Heavenly Father's plan for us.  If I had things my way in life, I would have two children and perhaps thinking about number three.  But the good news, is the God has a plan for each and every one of His children, and His plan is so much better for us than our own plans could ever be.  I have so much faith and trust in His plan for me that I never let myself ask why.  There are brief seconds where the natural man in me starts to ask why, but the Holy Ghost instantly testifies to me in those moments that I cannot ask "why?", doing so will only tear me apart and put me in a dark place.  I have a few wonderful examples of women in my life that were never able to get pregnant or married too late in life to have children, and they show me by their example, that regardless of why it is happening, it is happening, so trust God's plan and put your shoulder to the wheel and keep serving Him with all of your heart.  So that is what I do, and I am eternally grateful for the strength I derive from their examples.

As far as questions go, there are a few who ask, "What has your doctor said?"  First off, my doctor is simply amazing.  It turned out to be such a blessing that he was the OB on call on the night when I had emergency surgery.  (Bless his wife's heart that he got called in at 4 pm on Valentine's Day and was in surgery for over 4 hours and who knows how much paper work after.)  He is the perfect doctor for a girl like me.  He answers all my questions without making me feel dumb, he is positive and feels optimistic about everything, but still listens to my concerns.  He hasn't been concerned about infertility seeing as how we have been pregnant before, but he did ask for a few tests to be done to be sure that my left fallopian tube was open (as the right one was removed in the surgery).  Sure enough, every thing looks great and we are so grateful for that.

All of this brings me back to the title of this post and the rant about stake conference and the Gospel at the beginning.  Today, as Elder Erickson spoke about increasing our faith in various aspects of life and how it will bless and strengthen our families, I had a strong witness born to me by the Spirit.  Towards the end of his address, as I pondered on what he was saying, the question of "why?"  that I so regularly shun from my thoughts before it seeps in, was answered.  I didn't ask and hadn't necessarily been thinking about the desire that I have to be a mother, but in that moment, it was as plain as day, that the reason why we do not have any children on this earth yet, is because God loves me.  He loves my sweetheart.  And that is why we do not have children yet.  I did not inquire further as to how that makes any sense, because my heart was at peace and had all of the explanation that it needed.  God loves me.  He is aware of me.  He knows my heart and is taking care of me every single day.  He loves me and when the time is right according to His plan, we will be blessed with children.  God's Plan of Salvation is unmistakably tied around the family unit.  He will not strip us of the opportunity to fill the measure of our family unit and hinder our growth within the plan.  Whether in this life or the next, His promises for each of us will be fulfilled, and it will be better than we could ever imagine or plan for ourselves.

The closing hymn was sung as a solo by a sister who used to be in our ward that has an amazing voice.  She sang "I Believe in Christ" (LDS Hymnal #134), which is the hymn that has my favorite line in the whole hymn book and possibly all of music, which is "I believe in Christ, so come what may!"  That lines has given me so much strength through the years and I firmly live by it.  Today as I anticipated hearing those glorious words, I noticed the words that precede it, and it struck my heart as a hope in addition to the answer of "Because God loves me" from a few moments prior.  The line that precedes it says "And while I strive through grief and pain, His voice is heard 'ye shall obtain'. I believe in Christ, so come what may!"

(You'll notice at 2:50 seconds when the words that struck me in stake conference today are being sung, a particularly handsome man in glasses in the bottom of the screen.  What a tender mercy to hear and see my father sing those words to me today!)

I believe in Christ, so come what may.  I have an incredible husband that stands by my side through everything.  I know that God loves me and has a plan for me.  I have complete faith in His plan and trust Him with all of my heart.  I am grateful for the atoning sacrifice of His son, Jesus Christ, who not only knows my pains and my heartache, but carries those burdens for me, so that I can enjoy and love every single day of my life.  It is because of that sacrifice that I wake up smiling everyday and ready to take on the challenges that face me.  It is that sacrifice that lets me laugh with my husband daily instead of cry.  It is that sacrifice that fills my heart with joy because I can serve those around me.  It is that sacrifice that helps me prepare myself in all that I do to be the mother of the children that I know I will lovingly hold in my arms one day.  I am grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I know that it is the true church on the earth today.

BYU Football

This fall we decided to mix things up a little bit. We had a bit of an empty spot after baseball season ended, so we decided to spoil ourselves and get BYU season tickets for football. It was a bit of a commitment as it is a 4 hour drive to Provo, but we did it. Brock's sisters (Kate and Michelle) both got two tickets each so we all sat by each other and had a great time.

When all was said and done, it was a rough season, but game after game, we were loyal strong and true. We cheered them on and got our hearts slightly crushed along the way. We'll decide in a few months if it is worth having season tickets while living so far away, but it was fun while it lasted. 

Rise and shout the Cougars are out!!

Midnight 5K

So last night we did a midnight 5K.  Brock doesn't love running but his company asked him to participate.  He agreed that he would do it if he could walk the whole way.  The fun thing about this race, is that it isn't a race to see who can go the fastest, it is a race to see who can finish closest to midnight.  The catch is that you can't take any form of a clock or a timer with you.  Everybody starts the race at different times depending on how long they think it will take them.

Here is my secret, I am REALLY good at estimations.  Whether it is distance, price, weights, time, etc.  I was a little nervous about our start time because the van was late picking us up to go to the start line, so we had to walk at a slightly more brisk pace than planned, but we did it.  We walked the course (with a sprint to the finish of course) and crossed the line only to turn around and see that it was 11:59:17.  Oh snap.  Brock came in first for the men for crossing closest to midnight and I came in second in the women.  It was pretty fun and we enjoyed the time to walk and talk together in the cool summer air through the countryside.

Genealogy

Last Sunday Brock and I decided to go to the family history Sunday School class.  Neither of us have ever really done anything with genealogy. We learned about how to use familysearch.org and Pandora's Hope Chest. Holy cow!! It was amazing. You login, click a couple icons and and it starts searching your entire family line. It took about 90 minutes and it automatically found my entire family line back to as far as the 1500's!

I sat down and worked on it for about another 60 minutes and found/prepared over 30 names to take to the temple! It was so easy, who knew! So I decided before doing the ordinances, I should probably talk to my grandma. Yesterday I had some time to go and visit with her. We chatted for a couple hours. It was so fun to go visit her for a little while and hear the stories of my ancestors and stories about how my grandma and grandpa met. 

This is always a sensitive time of year. Grandpa passed away on July 30th and his birthday is July 31st. We exchanged a few tears talking about him (mostly me, she is so strong!) but we talked about him, we talked about his family and the history there. We talked about her family some and different stories from their days living in Rexburg compared to our days living in Rexburg. 

I am excited about this new genealogy project and helping my grandma with the work. She is excited to have help and I am excited to help and am already learning to love those who have gone on before me!

American Legion Tournament

Brock's graduation ended at 9 pm on Wednesday and we left for the baseball district tournament at 5 am the following morning.  The boys finished third in our district, which is a huuuuuge improvement considering that we haven't fielded a summer team until last year.  We played four games and then we were out of the tournament.  We were hoping to advance a little further, but we decided that the boys needed to lose that game to leave them hungry for next season.

The worst part about baseball is that there is only one team a year that ends their season on a win, which means that the majority of the senior players all lose the last game of their baseball careers if they don't go on to play college ball. This year was no different, except this time, it was the seniors that have been with Brock since their freshman year. There is something about seeing these guys that have worked so hard and grown so much through the program sit in tears with their hat covering their face or hugging their fellow teammates. I am usually pretty strong, but this year I shed a few tears. We obviously don't have any kids yet, so until we have some of our own, we invest A LOT of energy and emotion into those boys. Parents stress about their son at bat, but I stress about each and every one of them. 

This year Brock's parents and sister Kate came out for the games since they were already in Idaho for the graduation. Here are some pictures of what we did between games.

Brock and I at the Twin Falls Idaho Temple

This is half of the Twin Falls, the other half was closed off as a dam.

Here is the team picture for the summer team

Brock's Graduation

Well, the day has come and gone. On July 23rd 2014, Brock graduated from BYU-Idaho!!! His degree is in business management with an emphasis in finance.  It has been a long road for him taking into account the part where he bounced between a few colleges playing baseball and football. He finally settled down at BYU-Idaho and made it happen. He worked hard, he has had classes for 8 semesters in a row and he is so excited to not have classes anymore!

His parents as well as my parents came to the graduation and his sisters Kate and Rachel. It was a crazy busy day but it was worth it!

I am so proud of him for putting his shoulder to the wheel and for working so hard! He has been so busy through the process with coaching baseball, working, callings, and being a husband. I love him so much and I am so excited for our next adventure in life!

Brock and me

The handsome graduate

Had to snatch this picture

Cave Falls

We went on yet another Idaho adventure. We went to a place called cave falls with the Malan's.  It is just on the outside edge of Yellowstone National Park so you don't have to pay to see this one, you can walk right in and it takes less than five minutes. It is 14 miles of a dirt road to get there so it takes some effort, but it was pretty fun. The actual cave recently collapsed which was a bit of a bummer, but it is a really long waterfall and the scenery is gorgeous!

Brock "holding" the waterfall

It isn't a very high waterfall, but it is very long!

View from the top

Brock and me