Scars

Disclaimer: This is going to be a minorly melodramatic post, involving an anology, so if you are anti those kinds of posts, feel free to stop reading right now. I think of analogies a lot about the things that are happening in my life, but tend to just keep them to myself. However, I have a few friends that need to hear this one right now just as much as I do. **cough cough: Twin**. So here it is.

As stated in my last post, the doctors removed a piece of my leg last week. Prior to this procedure, I thought that I had a healthy, strong leg that suited my needs perfectly. Well, come to find out, there was for some reason something unhealthy about a small piece of that leg, so as stated, the doctor surgically removed it. It made me sick to watch it. I had a limp for days giving away my weakness to everybody that saw me. My leg is in minor pain that usually sits in the background of my thoughts and when I least expect it shoots a deep pain almost to the bone or all the way down my leg, or it just starts burning. It is uncomfortable, and it hurts. But every single day more of that hole in my leg is getting healed, and soon, it will be nothing more than a scar, and guess what? My leg will still function, it will be healthy and strong, life will keep going, and I will have a scar to remember what I went through.

This is similar to life and to the people that enter our life. (In this given moment, it is directed to those of us that are single and stuck playing the dating game.) Sometimes people come into our lives that we think we can't live without. We invest emotion in them to the point where they become a piece of who you are. But life doesn't always go our way, and sometimes it is best for those people to not play that part. So, our Heavenly Father finds a way to remove them from us. This is painful, and it hurts. Those around you know that you are disappointed, and at times, heartbroken. And as you start to heal, it still hurts but you try not think about it. There are times when you can't help but think about it and it hurts every part of your heart. But guess what? Each day, you get better and better. Eventually, the stitches will come out, and then one day, you will be whole. That piece of you will be gone, but the scar will take it's place so that you can remember that person that touched you once and to remember the life's lessons that were learned through the process.

Gimped

This past Monday I had the thrilling experience of having a chunk taken out of my leg. It started about a month ago when I had a biopsy done on a new mole that had developed. Being the fair skinned soul that I am, I knew I should probably check in with the doc about it so I did. The results of the biopsy said that while I didn’t have legit skin cancer, I had what they call a “Spitz Nevus”. Technically it is a benign juvenille melanoma which makes no sense, even the doc admitted this. Basically it's melanoma cells that aren't developing from what I gather. This usually occurs within the first 20 years of life, but the mean age for these is 22.How convenient that I am 22, guess I’m just your average Joe. Also, only 1 in every 100,000 people develops one of these. Lucky me.

So, I had to go back in to the doctor (after my surfing trip cause I wasn't about to let stitches keep me out of the ocean) to have them take the chunk out. He numbed the area but I was still awake so had/got to (depending on the moment) watch as he cut and took out a chunk of my leg. The incision was about 2 inches long, mostly oval, about 3/4 of an inch wide, and almost an inch deep. Yuck. Then he stitched me up, glued tape over the stitches and sent me on my way. The melanocytes are outta there!

Being the tough person I think I am, I didn't fill the prescription for the pain meds. I figured that since it was basic enough for me to watch and only get minorly sick, then I shouldn't feel that much pain. Wrong. So wrong. The numb didn't wear off for about 12 hours, but when it did I was happily asleep and rudely awoken by the unpleasant feeling of every stitch in my leg tugging my skin back together. It hurt a little, but was mostly just so uncomfortable, and then painful. I did not sleep the rest of the night, so needless to say, I filled the prescription the next day so that I could sleep that night.

Here are the unfortunate results:

• A scar that will be at least 2 inches long.
• Having to wear a skirt to work all week.
• Random stabs of pain in my leg that make me literally squirm.
• Having a significant limp since it is right above my knee, it pulls the stitches every time I bend my knee.
• Not being able to play in my first softball game.
• Not being able to play in my first football game.
• Climbing the stairs SUPER slow. (This is the first time that I haven't enjoyed the 3rd floor in 4 years)
• No swimming or boating for two weeks. (Just days after our pool finally opened)
• The process of getting to a sitting position on the toilet with one leg straight.
• Having to shower with saran wrap around my whole thigh which is uncomfortable and also means no shaving that area for two weeks.
• Oh yeah, having people see this beauty:

The fortunate results:

• Being cancer free!!! Worth it.

Surfs Up

This last weekend I checked two more things off of my life long to-do list. The first and most important one was a HUGE deal. If you have ever even seen my bedroom, it would be apparent. There is a surfboard french memo board, surf board pillow, surf board salt and pepper shakers used as decoration, surfboard picture frames, etc. You get the idea. I have always always ALWAYS wanted to learn how to surf. However, I don't really live near a beach. And I am also horribly terrified of being submerged under water.

Well...I did it. I was in California this last weekend with my friend Levi and his family. His sister is the lovely Andrea that was my roommate last fall so we all met up to go surfing which was awesome!! He was really great and stayed by my side out in the water coaching me through it until I was ready to be done, but I legitimately did it. I paddled out over the waves (easily the hardest part), I picked a wave, I paddled for it, felt it and stood up. A couple times even. That's not to say that I stood for very long cause it took me a few seconds to stand up, but I did it!! That part was actually way easier than I expected which I attribute to snowboarding and wake boarding, as if I needed another reason to love those two sports. So ya, life dream come true. I ingested way to much salt water, got pounded by waves being forced under water, gave my upper body an excellent workout that I am still minorly sore from 4 days later, and I loved every minute of it!!!!

The other thing we did was have a bonfire on the beach that night and roast hot dogs, such a good time. This time we were at a beach in San Diego which was fun, I've never been to a beach down there, but it wasn't too different from the beaches up north. I have always wanted to have a fire on the beach and we definitely made that happen. Overall, I would say it was a successful day to do two awesome things that I've always dreamed of!!

Check

I wouldn't say that I have an official bucket list in life yet, just a bunch of things in my head that I want to do. One of these activities is snow shoe somewhere with my snowboard strapped to my back and then board down. Well...I can now check that off the list that doesn't really exist.

About two weeks ago, my friend Jon and I decided that we would do this. Mind you, it was May 31st and had just snowed the previous day in the mountains so the conditions were prime. We went to Brighton Ski Resort. I was hoping we could get to Lake Mary because I have yet to see it in the winter, but it's hard to follow a trail that is buried under at least five feet of snow. So we wound up snowshoeing it for about two hours and then strapped our snowboards on and rode down, it was so fun!! And I won't lie, I felt like a hardcore outdoor enthusiast for the first time in a long time. It was hard, but definitely not as hard as I thought. Next time I'll know what to expect and what to be prepared for, including NOT eating Cafe Rio half an hour before starting the climb.

Steepest part of our climb, and easily the funnest

Jon's hardcore shot

Me ready to hit it. The coat didn't last long, it was pretty toasty.

Jon and I after we were done for the day

Dream Job

Ok, so a couple weeks ago I was helping customer at work fill out a credit application. Usually if a woman isn't employed and is just counting her husband's income we have them fill the word "homemaker" into the employer/occupation spot. Well, I noticed that this customer didn't fill in that box so I asked her if she was a homemaker or retired. She looked at me and said "Even better. I am a domestic goddess."

Um...yes please. I don't think she believed that I was serious when I told her that is my dream occupation. And I have no problem knowing that I could rock that position.

Tender Mercies

Holy Smokes, there has practically been a drought in my blogging world for the last two months, and now I think of at least one new thing to blog about each day...whatever happened to all things in moderation? Haha, not sure. However, today is Sunday and if I blog on Sunday's I try really hard to make sure it is something dealing with the Gospel.

As I sat through church and pondered throughout the day I couldn't help think about all the tender mercies that I was given in this last week. I made a big choice this week which I am not revealing to the public yet, but if you ask me in person I'll probably tell you. Anyways, the first half of the week was really rough, but could not have ended any more happily. I finally have answers and confirmations that I have been waiting months for. The Lord sent me so many tender mercies this week to remind me that even though it was hard, I was doing what was right and that He was helping me as much as He could while still giving me room to grow. Here are some of those tender mercies:

• People: Vicki, Checko, Ali G., Ali W., Robert, John, Jon, Katherine W, Ryan, Mom.
• Places: Oakcrest, Provo Temple, Brighton, My Car.
• Activities: Tandem biking, ultimate frisbee with strangers, hiking, snowboarding, Oakcrest traditions, talking to my best girlfriends on the phone), stargazing.
• Things: Hymns, scriptures, Cafe Rio food, Cambrie's lesson on the Atonement.

And that's just a few of them.

I honestly am so grateful that my life is so richly blessed with great friends and family that are always there for me. The majority of the time they may not even know anything is wrong, but they still always manage to be there when I need them. I am so happy with the choice that I have made and confident in the fact that it is exactly what I need to be doing. I am thankful for the chain of events that finally led me to this choice and to those that helped me get there.

Vegas Trip

This past weekend, Katherine Welch (roomie) had her mission farewell. I am so proud of her and her choice to serve the Lord. There was no way in the world that I was going to miss this event. It was a holiday weekend and I work retail, so I knew it would be tricky, but we worked it out. I was able to leave work a few hours early on Saturday so we left right away, and drove back late late Sunday night. Here's what happened in between:

• Katherine Spoke in church. Obviously the most important reason why were there. She did great and I was so happy to be there for it.

• We stayed at a place name Arizona Charlie's. Winner.
• We played on the strip and mostly accomplished nothing more than hoards of window shopping.

Ali, Jon, Me and Rich

In front of the Venetian

I bought these sweet pants that happened to match Katherine

Group shot

Ali and I goofing off.

Pretty sure we kept each other laughing at least 90% of the trip.

Growing

Life after graduation has lots of changes in it. Most of them were expected, but some of them I definitely did not expect. It has been a harder adjustment for me than I thought it would be, I mean life is great and I love it, and I wouldn't trade my life with any body else's in the world, but there are so many changes taking place and many more changes to come that I am at a point where sometimes I don't even know what's going on. My whole life has always been planned, structured, prepared and carefully thought out with an end goal in mind. However, right now, I don't know what my end goal is, it is all a whirlwind of choices, and whichever choice I make results in significant change in my life. As I was thinking about this the other day, I realized that my life is very comfortable. And then I remembered a quote from my good friend Ryan Johnson. (I'm pretty sure that's who I hear it from, feel free to take credit Ryan.) This is what he said:

"There's no comfort in the growth zone, and no growth in the comfort zone."

So, I am kicking myself out of the comfort zone. I refuse to stay stagnant, because in staying stagnant, you are really just move backwards. So bring on the growth, because from here, I will only move forward.